We packed his Subaru to the brim with everything he owned and began our road trip across the country. "Be present," I reminded myself. We meticulously planned every second of the trip: National Parks, glamping, Meow Wolf, and his 30th birthday in Nashville. I also planned to release the second single from my upcoming album mid-trip to stay consistent with my releases.

But when I released that single during our journey, I was a wreck. "How could I be so naive? How could I do this to myself? To the music?" Driving from LA to New York, surrounded by breathtaking scenery and deepening our love, I intentionally missed my self-imposed deadlines for filming promotional content and PR outreach in an attempt to stay present.

I had done almost nothing to support the song. The time, passion, and money I invested felt wasted. I felt embarrassed and ashamed for not advocating for the music and myself in the way I had intended to.

We returned to New York yesterday. I opened my computer and dove into promoting DDIM. Starting with music supervisor outreach, I copied an email from a name I vaguely recognized. When I pasted his email into my mail, an old message from 2017 popped up that I had sent him. It was full of grammatical errors, clearly one of my first attempts at a professional email, but the passion was evident.

That music supervisor had replied back with just two words: “Keep going.”

I paused. I’ve been advocating for myself since I was 17.

It’s never been about getting the perfect content or a flawless email out within a certain time period. There is no formula for success in this industry, no equation. The closest thing I’ve gotten to an answer before I gave up trying to find one was this: the only thing I can control is my commitment to the art in the face of silence, and so I commit.