harper barth

so my friend harper just somehow tolerated my 5,000 revision ideas i had about this piece of art that she made for me. she constructed a BEAUTIFUL piece that was thought provoking and moving. everyone i showed it to loved it. i wanted more.

this is a common theme with me. heck, i even didn’t go to college right after high school because i was too indecisive to commit to a school. so i spent a whole dang year of my life singing in Los Angeles venues hoping i could find the direction i wanted to go in. it wasn’t until the year ended that i realized i was already on the right path, i was just so consumed in always going the right way that i forget to appreciate where i was.

i’m always seeking connection. i want to meet more people, and hear more stories, and write more songs. everything is so exciting when it’s new, new, new. i’ve met amazing people here. North Carolina has given me friendships that i’ll never let go of, but do so did Los Angeles, and i so easily forget that.

i’ve realized lately that when i take a breath from chasing all the things that i so desperately want to call my own, i see what i already have. harper showed me a lifelong friendship when i met her at 10 years old, and she still shows me a strong and committed friendship while i’m frantically texting her new ideas for the art she never stops sending me.

so, here’s to harper barth. here’s to chasing. and here’s to slowing down.

,e

$20,000

i cracked an egg on my neighbors head because her brother convinced me to do it. then another day i got so mad at her brother and i screamed so loud to the point that i saw stars. then we made a parody of “chopped” and “man vs. wild” and thought we were gonna be famous if we uploaded them to youtube. we didn’t get famous, but i remember feeling like i could do anything when i was with them.

a few years ago i was laughing really hard, and then i chocked, and then my friend choked trying to save me from choking.

i used to say that no movie ever made me cry and then i saw “the theory of everything” (also side note have you SEEN Eddie Redmayne in a plaid suit??!)

one time my brother and i pretended to be those people who knock on peoples doors and tell people they won $20,000. so we got all dressed up and made a huge check and went knocking. somehow i thought people would believe they just hit the jackpot, but i guess two tweens thinking they ran the world wasn’t convincing enough.

i thought i was in love one time and i loved and i wasted and i laughed and i wasted and it totally destructed me.

my dad used to do ballet with me in the front yard. we used to dance together and i didn’t realize it at the time, but it was the moments with my dad when i realized what love felt like.

the love i felt when i thought i was in love wasn’t anything close to how i felt dancing with my dad, or how it felt to run from house to house with giant poster board with my brother. it wasn’t the same as climbing trees in the backyard and pretending to be Bear Grylls. that’s how i knew it was wrong. now i know what to look for. i always knew, i just got distracted.

*squirrel

,e

hugs and cupcakes

i think my first memory was when my brother told me how cool it was that he could look at the ceiling without moving his head. i remember thinking, “that’s so cool, when i’m older, i can do that.”

now i’m older. i can look at the ceiling without moving my head and i can drive cars and go places on my own and kiss people and stand up for my friends and i can feel sad but know that i’ll be okay because i am strong.

now i’m older. i let cupcakes bake all the way through. i used to get so excited to eat them that i would take them out of the oven early and sneak them into my room.

now i’m older. hugs are the best. i used to hug and run. i got distracted. now i hug for a long time. it’s nice to pause.

strawberry shortcake was my fave as a kid.

now i’m older. its still my fave.

,e